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AN ADOPTION ARTICLE IN THE BOSTON GLOBE

Beverly Beckham
Free fall with a soft landing
By Beverly Beckham | October 28, 2007

She never believed. Not in her core. Not the way she believes that morning follows night. Or that ice melts in the heat. Or that if you throw something into the air, it will fall back to earth.

This kind of certainty eluded her.

Tara's faith was tenuous. Some days she hoped. Some days she despaired.

Most days she wondered if she would ever be a mother.

Her mother, Jill, tried to help. "It will happen, Tara," she said. "I promise you. And when it does, you will look back at this time and think it was worth the wait."

But the drumbeat in Tara's head was "When? When? When?" And it never stopped. It was like a radio left on in an adjoining room.

It takes love and faith and courage to raise a child, any child. It takes closing your eyes and leaping into the unknown, then free-falling to the ground below.

But how far below? When you adopt, you don't know. So it takes patience, too, the wait harder because it's uncertain, waiting always a strain even when you can draw a circle on a date and point to it and make plans.

But when you can't point? When the pages of the calendar turn again and again and there is no circle?

Tara and Rob made plans anyway. They decorated a room, bought a crib, books, blankets, stuffed animals, and dared to imagine at every child-centered celebration that went on in their lives - their families big, their world full of other people's children - that soon they would have a child, too.

Maybe next Christmas. Maybe next spring. Definitely next year.

Days drag when you're counting minutes. But somehow seasons fly. Summer came again and there was still no baby. Babies were everywhere, the beach full of them.

Summer was Tara's season of discontent.

"It will happen, Tara. I promise," Jill continued to say. But it was getting harder and harder for Tara to believe.

And then the call came, and a picture of a baby boy. And there was relief and joy and hope and thanksgiving. But still no circle on the calendar. He could arrive in two months. Or it could be four or six or eight months.

His picture sustained her. This was her son. But then came the "what ifs." What if something went wrong? What if he didn't come? What if now, after falling in love with him, memorizing the shape of his lips, his eyes, the tussle of his hair, she lost him?

She didn't. Chase Henry Matthews arrived at Logan Airport on Oct. 16, 8 months old and beautiful, so wanted and already beloved.

A woman half a world away loved him enough that she gave birth to him. Another woman, his foster mother, loved him as her own for eight months. Another brought him here, to the United States, to Tara and Rob who loved him even before they knew him.

It doesn't seem so long now, the long, long wait. This is what happens when you land on soft ground. You forget the time spent sad and afraid and crying. You forget everything except the baby in your arms.

Tara's mother told her this. But children never believe their mothers, not even grown children, not even when their mothers have walked where they've walked; not even when they've wept the same tears.

For Jill's promise was never based on faith alone. She knows firsthand not just that morning follows night and that ice melts in the heat. But that the heart melts, too, and forgets its sadness in the presence of joy. For many years ago, when she herself was a young woman yearning for motherhood, the clock was a drumbeat for her, too, years of days spent playing with my children while waiting for a child of her own.

And then a social worker put Tara, just three days old, in Jill's arms. It was February, not October, in an apartment, not an airport. And it was 32 years ago.

But the moment of absolute love was the same.

Back then, I watched Jill cradle Tara, breathe in her smell, stroke her cheek, look into her eyes and adore her.

And now I have watched Tara, too, cradle Chase and do all the same things.

Sometimes a woman gives birth and becomes a mother.

But sometimes more is required. Sometimes a woman has to leap off a cliff with her eyes closed and her arms open and wait and trust that her mother is right.

"It will happen," Jill said.

And miraculously - for every child is a miracle - it has.

2007 WORLD SERIES CHAMPIONS!!

YAHOO!! YAHEE!! YIPEE!!!!!!!!!!

The New Swing Set!

Today the swingset was finally assembled!!
http://www.creativeplaythings.com/wooden-swing-sets/williamsburg-wooden-swing-set

He (Creative Playthings Assembly Man) had just finished when Loren came home from school.
Well Loren quickly changed into play clothes and out the door she went!
Here are a few pictures from today.
Tomorrow the border and mulch will be placed for the "Finishing Touches",... if it doesn't rain. :(



Creative Playthings Assembly Man happy to see me!
OK,... maybe not,... I was carrying a large Dunkin Donuts Iced Coffee for him.
Phase I



Phase II


Phase III
4 Hours Later
However....Some pieces of wood did not come in one of the boxes (of course) so 2 of the walls at the bottom of the tower could not be assembled.
We will have to wait for these pieces of wooden slats to be delivered to finish the walls.
Lets see how long the wait will be....stay tuned.


Loren very happy to be standing beside her new swingset.
Nick is checking out the area making sure all is well.
Notice the border to the right ready for tomorrow.....hopefully,... and the missing walls at the bottom of the tower.



Hey "Buddy Boy"!! Does everything check out?
(mulch in the background) The mulch is made of cut up pieces of rubber.
It's supposed to be better than regular mulch, hope so.



The Initial Climb.
Loren's First Steps



Getting ready for her first trip down the slide
"Mom?" "Are you done taking pictures?"
"Umm....No".


On Your Mark...
Get Set!!...


GO!!!!
Whew, A Bit Slippery!!


The Landing



"That was FUN!!"

YAHOO!!!

LET'S GO RED SOX!!!

Five Years Forever Day

Today is 5 years that Loren and I have been a family.

I cannot believe that it has been 5 years.
The memories of that Special Day are so vivid.

Thank You to The People's Republic of China for entrusting me with one of your daughter's to Love Forever.

Thank You to Loren's Birth Mother for giving her life.

Thank You God for Answering My Prayers.

I Love You Loren
Happy Forever Day
Love Mommy xoxo

Say It Isn't So!

I read on a Yahoo Group post that someone's agency told them to expect 4-5 day referrals from now on!
Below is the post:
"I just spoke with them on friday,they also feel > that with a Dec. 19th lid, our month will be Feb.and travel with in the > first couple weeks of April,they are expecting to see a 4-5 > day "average"per month for referrals.SORRY as i know this is NOT what > everyone was hoping for,however our agency has been nothing but honest "

Ok, so that means with an LID of 1-5-06 ( and they DO 5 days of referrals) I would not get a referral until June 08! I just miss May by 1 day....of course.

I also read about another person who visited some of the orphanages in China and there are a lot of babies not being adopted because of the wait. These babies are getting too old (2+ years ) to be adopted since the majority of waiting parents want babies 12 months and under.
The post said that there will be a lot of children never adopted because of this long wait.
How sad. My heart aches for these beautiful children.

I will just have to wait and see these next couple of months if this proves to be true.
I can hold out for just so long. I am NOT a "Spring Chicken" and my daughter is already 6yo.
It will be like having "an only child" twice!
Maybe this was not supposed to happen for me.
When to bow out gracefully.....and graciously .... That is the question.

Article on Attachment in Adoption

This is a really interesting article - pretty scientific and detailed,
and specific to our families:

http://www.baas.org/news_special-june2007.php

YES.... STILL WAITING

HELLO!! CCAA!!
OVER HERE! REMEMBER ME?

I can't even believe that ONLY 5 days of referrals were received this month!
What the heck is going on?!! We are STILL in 2005!! This is freakin crazy!

I saw a post that possibly Jan.06 was matched. Well if this is true than there are plenty of babies needing homes. So....just PLEASE send out the referrals. PLEASE. I can't bear to think that I have been matched with a child and she sits waiting another 6 months before she can come HOME!
I know there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.
And that is the most frustrating of all.

It's That Time Again!!

Congratulations to everyone who got THE CALL this month!
Wishing you all a speedy and safe travel.

Happy Birthday Nick!!

Our Supervisor

Our Protector


Our Destroyer...of paper
Our Athletic One


Our Buddy

Our Best Friend



Our "Nicky Nick"
7 Years Old Today.
We Love You!!
Kisses and Hugs,
Mommy and Loren

Second Thoughts.....again

Here I go again.
The wait has gotten sooooo very long and it doesn't look like it is going to speed up anytime soon.
I am starting to have second thoughts about proceeding with this adoption.
I started this process in June 04. Sent my application in and was put on the "singles waiting list" due to the "quota" China had on singles adopting.
I FINALLY got the call that I could proceed with the paperwork in July 05 so already it was a 13 month wait. At that time the wait was 6-8 months. So I figured I would probably be traveling the end of 06 sometime.
WRONG!!
Here I am in Oct. 07 and I am not even close to getting a referral yet.
My daughter was 3y. 9 months old when I started this process. She is now 6y.o.
I am older than I was in 04 (of course) and getting older by the month.
So what do I do??? What do I do??
Which direction should I go?
I wish the answer was right in front of me.
I just don't know anymore.